My dad and I haven't always had the vision of what I thought a daughter/father relationship should be. I didn't climb in his lap when I scrapped my knee or call him to go to dinner and a movie. Our relationship was wrapped up in business, and we hide everything behind the facade of a building. We were good at making it look great on the outside, but on the inside, we were being torn apart. We showed up to work every day, and did our jobs, continuing to build up walls to protect our feelings. We didn't know how to have a business and personal relationship. Recently, I asked myself what the hardest part of our relationship was? There are a few things. First, I dreamed of a relationship that came from the movies or a book, remember, I didn't have Instagram to scroll and see pictures. Thank the LORD! Of course, those relationships aren't real. Second, I didn't want to be in the middle anymore. I didn't want to be the one that had to make decisions and hurt anyone's feelings. I was a, and that didn't solve anything. I did all I could to make everything okay, even if it was for a moment. Third, everyone has hopes and dreams, and when you put two visionaries in the same spot, who haven't learned how to communicate in truth out of love, or how to set proper boundaries, you don't get very far.
I asked my dad the same question, and this was his response, "The hardest thing about our relationship is that it had been built around the café. The café was the center point or always in the middle of our relationship. The café came first, and all our interactions dealt with work. Rarely did we have a conversation that wasn't about the café even if we had a day off. This, in turn, prevented our relationship to grow …. This had nothing to do with you, but it had everything to do with me as I viewed my relationships with everyone in the family. My behavior was so wrong, selfish, and damaging to you and the fam! I am so sorry for allowing the café to create a wall between the family and thus prevented the relationship to grow with you, especially mom and the, of course, the boys!!! I again let work get in the way of my growing up with my fam….. another set of lost years!" I know how hard it was for my dad to put this in words, but I'm so proud of him and how far we have come together!! I sincerely hope he knows that he is loved, forgiven, and covered in love. It's never too late to move forward from those dreams that you want.
Now, let's fast forward. What's the best part of our relationship? From my perspective, through much hard, personal soul work and the grace of God, our bond has been redeemed. We have a relationship that is built on a strong foundation, past experiences we have learned from and not stayed stuck. We talk often, cheer each other on, share a meal, and go to the movies together. It's such a fantastic story of healing.
Here are my dad's thoughts on the best part of our relationship. The best thing amid this mess was being able to work with you knowing you had seen the problem and solved it. You were so much stale control… you are rock!
And moving forward to today….you and I have a very grounded relationship that enables us to reach out to each other for support, love, & comfort. I am so proud of what you are, allowing God to do in your daily life and walk with Him. Your insights and the ability to put to text and art is such a God giving gift that you are allowing Him to have full control! That is so awesome!!! So much pride and greater love, dad!!
I cried when I received his part of the questions — such a miracle. Healing can happen. We serve a mighty God, whom we have a rich history. So, if you don't see the hope or possibility, know it is possible. Know it does happen, move over, and let God take control of the relationship. Ask Him to work a miracle and ask Him to show you what you need to do. See the fairytale He is writing.
xo,
tara and bud